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NEVER
SNIFF A GIFT FISH
by Patrick McManus
You
need never have held a rifle, worn a backpack, or even thought about putting a
worm on a hook to appreciate these hilarious tales of a sportsman's life in the
Great, and often not-so-Great, Outdoors. Continuing in the same tongue-in-cheek
vein that made his first two books such popular entertainment, McManus offers
more cracker-barrel wisdom and zany insights into the agonies and ecstasies of
hunting, fishing and camping.
You will learn about
the dread disease "two-man-tent fever" (one of the symptoms of which
is that the sound of dandruff falling on a sleeping bag is perceived as a
deafening roar); what the art of pipe smoking has to do with fishing expertise;
what really goes on in the back seats of outdoorsmen's cars; why you
should never ask a sportsman how he got his scar; which items not to
steal from your hunting buddy's lunch; the definition of "granny knot"
("what you feel like after spending a night sleeping with your spouse and
three children in a pup tent"); and much more.
Every bit as clever
and engagingly self-deprecating as his earlier books, Never Sniff a Gift
Fish will be embraced by McManus lovers and welcomed by the uninitiated as
a rare and unexpected delight. The man who has been favorably compared to
Benchley, Buchwald and Bombeck - as well as S. J. Perelman and Mark Twain - is
back with his best collection yet, deftly puncturing the myths of the masculine
mystique, gently exposing the imperfections of man and beast, but always
celebrating life in the natural world with his inimitable brand of wit and
humor.
"McManus writes
about camping, hiking and hunting in the droll, exaggerated way that was made
famous by Mark Twain.--Richard
Armour
CONTENTS
Blowing Smoke ~
1
Poof - No
Eyebrows ~ 10
I Fish;
Therefore, I am ~ 20
Running on
Empty ~ 26
The Cat and the
Cat Burglar ~ 33
Salami on Rye
and Hold the Wild Gobo ~ 41
Two-Man-Tent
Fever ~ 49
Fish Poles, and
Other Useful Terminology ~ 56
The Man Who
Notices Things ~ 64
The Elk
Trappers ~ 73
The Short Happy
Life of Francis Cucumber ~ 83
The Arkansas
Prank Hound ~ 91
Well, Excuuuuse
Me! ~ 98
The Mountain
Car ~ 103
The Christmas
Hatchet ~ 114
The Night
Grandma Shot Shorty ~ 121
The Kindest Cut
of All ~126
The Bush Pilots
~ 135
Share and Share
Alike ~ 144
Never Sniff a
Gift Fish ~ 151
Backseats I
Have Known ~ 159
Edgy Rider ~
166
Strange Scenes
and Eerie Events ~ 178
The Hunter's
Workout Guide ~ 184
Temporary
Measures ~ 191
The Fibricators
~196
The Family
Camper's Dictionary ~ 203
The Big Match ~
210
"McManus
writes high-class humor, with echoes of Benchley, Buchwald and Bombeck."--Kirkus
Reviews
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