Never Sniff a Gift Fish - by Patrick McManus

by Patrick McManus

You need never have held a rifle, worn a backpack, or even thought about putting a worm on a hook to appreciate these hilarious tales of a sportsman's life in the Great, and often not-so-Great, Outdoors. Continuing in the same tongue-in-cheek vein that made his first two books such popular entertainment, McManus offers more cracker-barrel wisdom and zany insights into the agonies and ecstasies of hunting, fishing and camping.

You will learn about the dread disease "two-man-tent fever" (one of the symptoms of which is that the sound of dandruff falling on a sleeping bag is perceived as a deafening roar); what the art of pipe smoking has to do with fishing expertise; what really goes on in the back seats of outdoorsmen's cars; why you should never ask a sportsman how he got his scar; which items not to steal from your hunting buddy's lunch; the definition of "granny knot" ("what you feel like after spending a night sleeping with your spouse and three children in a pup tent"); and much more.

Every bit as clever and engagingly self-deprecating as his earlier books, Never Sniff a Gift Fish will be embraced by McManus lovers and welcomed by the uninitiated as a rare and unexpected delight. The man who has been favorably compared to Benchley, Buchwald and Bombeck - as well as S. J. Perelman and Mark Twain - is back with his best collection yet, deftly puncturing the myths of the masculine mystique, gently exposing the imperfections of man and beast, but always celebrating life in the natural world with his inimitable brand of wit and humor.

"McManus writes about camping, hiking and hunting in the droll, exaggerated way that was made famous by Mark Twain." --Richard Armour

CONTENTS

  1. Blowing Smoke ~ 1
  2. Poof - No Eyebrows ~ 10
  3. I Fish; Therefore, I am ~ 20
  4. Running on Empty ~ 26
  5. The Cat and the Cat Burglar ~ 33
  6. Salami on Rye and Hold the Wild Gobo ~ 41
  7. Two-Man-Tent Fever ~ 49
  8. Fish Poles, and Other Useful Terminology ~ 56
  9. The Man Who Notices Things ~ 64
  10. The Elk Trappers ~ 73
  11. The Short Happy Life of Francis Cucumber ~ 83
  12. The Arkansas Prank Hound ~ 91
  13. Well, Excuuuuse Me! ~ 98
  14. The Mountain Car ~ 103
  15. The Christmas Hatchet ~ 114
  16. The Night Grandma Shot Shorty ~ 121
  17. The Kindest Cut of All ~126
  18. The Bush Pilots ~ 135
  19. Share and Share Alike ~ 144
  20. Never Sniff a Gift Fish ~ 151
  21. Backseats I Have Known ~ 159
  22. Edgy Rider ~ 166
  23. Strange Scenes and Eerie Events ~ 178
  24. The Hunter's Workout Guide ~ 184
  25. Temporary Measures ~ 191
  26. The Fibricators ~196
  27. The Family Camper's Dictionary ~ 203
  28. The Big Match ~ 210

"McManus writes high-class humor, with echoes of Benchley, Buchwald and Bombeck."--Kirkus Reviews