a. While fishing from a
boat, be warned - there is a problem with Dick Nites. If you are
wearing reflective sunglasses, keep your tackle box closed while
trolling. The reason for this is simple; fish will see the Dick Nites
in your tackle box reflected in your glasses and swamp the boat trying
to get at them. This can be a hopelessly unbelievable story to
convince your friends of. They'll assume you lost the boat in a
crap-shoot or something and give you as much credence in the future as
a prospective rock star gets from his banker-father.
b. We recommend that when
fishing with Dick Nite Spoons, you carry a large caliber hand gun.
Fish caught on Dick Nites are often many times larger than the
fisherman and his boat! The handgun will assist you in subduing the
fish in order to tow it to shore or a nearby processing ship. If the
weapon fails to bring the fish under control, we recommend quickly
snapping a picture of it (or the portion that will fit into the
viewfinder of your camera) and then cutting the line. The fishermen
who have attempted to lash the fish to the stern and tow it while
alive have been seen attempting to convince people about how they lost
their boat. (See rule #2a)
3. When you do get the
boat and fish to shore, there are a couple of different ways of
transporting the monstrosity home (providing you think your
wife/husband will allow it in the house/yard!).
a. Lash the fish to the
top of your vehicle. This will work in some instances, but in most
cases the fish is too slippery for even the most experienced knotsman.
b. In the event #3a is not practical, we recommend gutting the fish
while leaving the head in-tact. At this point, lash the opened fish
over your vehicle, head forward, with the tail supported by your
trailer. This will put your windshield directly behind the fishes
eyes. You can then safely drive home while looking through the fish
eyes.
(Cautionary note 1:
Objects in the fishes eyes are much larger than they seem, so you may
wish to drive somewhat more slowly than normal. If you drive a 1985 or
newer vehicle, you are accustomed to this concept in your passenger
side rear-view mirror.)
(Cautionary note 2: Since
you will be unable to utilize your rear- view mirror, it is a good
idea to listen for sirens! (However, policemen are generally hesitant
about stopping fish driving down the road! They become a part of the
unbelievability phenomenon discussed in rule #2a!))
4. Don't be greedy. Take
only your fair share of fish each day. Remember that there are
fishermen out there who are not aware of, or have been fooled into
using something other than, Dick Nite Spoons. They will feel badly if
you are getting a hit on each cast and they are still feeding eggs to
the fish and showing them the pretty colors on the other lures they
have so mistakenly believed would catch fish.
5. If you should see a
fellow fisherman in trouble - his spouse grumbling about the cold,
wanting to go in to go "potty" & making comments about
the fisherman's ability to do anything right, do him a favor - give
him a Dick Nite! Let him enjoy what is left of his day! Let him catch
one he has to lash to the top of his car! You'll feel better, he'll
feel better, and most of all WE'll feel better!