UNCLE HOMER'S OUTDOOR CHUCKLE BOOK (excerpts)
by Homer Circle, Angling Editor, Sport's Afield Magazine

A Rare Catch of Folksy Jokes, Quips, Cartoons & Keeper Memories.

A Planet for Texans

This Texas catfish fisherman heard about the whopper blue catfish in Maine, so he journeyed there to pursue his hobby. At the moment he was leaving the dock, a typical native was just sitting down to fish for bullheads. They nodded at each other and the Texan took off. He anchored in the middle of the lake, pulled a huge sharp hook from his kit, and baited it with a grapefruit-size hunk of bloody beef liver.

He fished fruitlessly for several hours and was just ready to give it up when he got a pickup. He set the hook and after a stiff battle he hauled in a 45-pound catfish. He flipped it into the boat and took off for the dock.

Just as he arrived the native had just caught his dozenth bullhead, all about banana size for good eating. He laid them on the dock just as the Texan climbed up the ladder.

The Texan flung the big blue alongside the dozen small bullheads and effused: "Well, podnuh, whaddaya think of that for a catfish, hey?" And the Mainelander replied: "Ay-yeh, just caught the one, eh?"

Bang Up Fishing

The game warden heard through the grapevine that a certain scofflaw had been bringing home a tubfull of fish every time he went fishing. So, he made a date to go fishing with the suspect. After they arrived in a nice, little cove the warden said," Now, show me how you've been getting a tubfull of fish every time you go, Johnboy."

So Johnboy reached into his rucksack, pulled out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and handed it to the warden.

The warden looked at the sputtering fuse, gasped and said, "Don't you know this is against the law?"

Johnboy said, "You gonna sit there and talk or you gonna fish."

Fishing Certificate

A fisherman who was caught with ten more bass than the law allowed was taken to court by the conservation officer. The judge fined him heavily and asked, "Do you have anything to say."

"Yes, your honor, " replied the fisherman, "I surely would appreciate six copies of the court record to show my bassin buddies."

. . .

Ernie Pyle, the revered war correspondent, once wrote, "Writing a daily column is a whole lot like fishing. You throw your fingers onto the typewriter keys and hope you'll catch a stringer full of words. But sometimes the words just aren't biting.

Editor's note: For "Uncle Homer" as he's fondly known by the outdoor writers and readers he's entertained for years, may have the kindest wit around. His book's full of such gentle humor